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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Mutant Onions Attack

(Nu Warren, Sept. 7, 2010)
In April of this year, an invasive strain of sugar snap peas appeared in The Nu Warren, triggering meth-like addiction throughout the land.  This Saturday, a pair of mutant onions were captured at the local SaveMart.

Nonny Nu, long-time resident of The Nu Warren, discovered the two militant onions during a grocery run.  "They were mixed in with the rest of the red onions.  I was wading through the pile, as is the rabbit custom for selecting produce."

It is believed that the mutant onions' anger stems from Friends' showering of support and praise for non-onion vegetables.  Under interrogation, one terrorist said, "It's just not fair!  You all talk loud and draw a crowd about how you just LOVE veggies, but you never give us any airtime!  What did you expect us to do?  We're gonna be in your face, like it or not!"

Seconds the second onion, "F_ck, yeah!"

Nonny Nu described the fear and indignation she felt upon discovering the onions: "You know, I wasn't expecting this.  I didn't come to SaveMart to be assaulted.  I was THIS CLOSE to being battered if not for my keen rabbit eyesight.  I was just rummaging through the pile to select the nicest, juiciest red onion.  Lo and behold, that one on the right just snapped at me!  If I didn't see him in time, he would've bit my paw clear off.  Then, who would be writing this post?"

Nonny immediately and gingerly scooped up the two onions, who have begun to refer to themselves a "freedom fighters," and brought them in for questioning.  They will be transported in a secure container to Dr. Green Thumbs McGillicutty for examination, etc.  (You can guess what the "etc." refers to.)

1 comment:

  1. http://myfolia.com/plantings/71808-onion-long-red-florence-allium-cepa-var-cepa ????

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